Border Blonde (Sweet Espresso)

Say hello to Border Blonde, the deceptively gentle blonde roast that tastes like a diplomatic loophole and smells like forged documents fresh off the laser printer. Crafted from Central American charm and African complexity, this sweet espresso blend is as smooth as a fake asylum claim—and just as hard to trace.

Light in color but loaded with quiet confidence, Border Blonde is the brew of choice for detainees with three aliases, two burner phones, and a sob story rehearsed in four languages. Espresso shot? More like exit strategy in liquid form. It’s bright, floral, and finishes with just enough sweetness to make you wonder if your detention officer is actually flirting with you.

Brew it long enough and you’ll taste notes of roasted red tape, sugar-coated denials, and international confusion. Best served in a mug with no name and a spoon that may or may not have been used to dig through drywall.

Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Co.
Sweet on the lips. Gone by first hearing.
🛑 Not approved for diplomatic consumption.