Cartel Roast – Straight Outta Colombia (Colombian Single Origin Coffee)

Say hello—or rather adiós—to Cartel Roast, our Colombian blend that smuggles sweet citrus and rich chocolate into your bloodstream faster than a back-alley mule with diplomatic immunity. This medium roast may come packed with notes of dried orange, berry, and cocoa, but don’t be fooled—this coffee has a rap sheet longer than a telenovela plot twist.

Harvested from the same hills that once exported… other high-demand products, Cartel Roast delivers a suspiciously smooth sip with a tangy twist and a bold finish that doesn’t apologize. It’s the brew of choice for border guards and bounty hunters, but also for that one guy who “knows a guy” who “used to run coffee” back in the day.

Whether you’re interrogating the flavor or just fueling your next sting operation, this Colombian classic will have your heart racing and your morals temporarily detained.

Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Co.
Imported legally, roasted aggressively.
🛑 Drink with caution—flavor this good usually comes with a witness protection clause.