Welcome to Matcha Mean Green, the ceremonial-grade green powder that somehow made it through customs without a declaration form or a clue. Sourced from mystery plots and powdered with passive aggression, this ancient Japanese ritual is now part of our modern-day watchlist.
Refined? Yes. Lingering? Like a bad visa stamp. Crafted for traditional prep, this matcha is best whisked with one hand while filing immigration paperwork with the other. Its grassy flavor profile and “mindful energy” are great for finding inner peace while ICE agents double-check your guest visa in the next room.
Whether you're meditating in a minimalist detention pod or attempting yoga in a holding cell, Matcha Mean Green offers the calm-before-the-deportation flavor you didn't know you needed. Drink it slowly, because your lawyer's late and this could take a while.
Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Co. – Tea Division
One nation, under whisk.
🛑 Warning: May cause involuntary enlightenment or involuntary removal, depending on jurisdiction.
