Red-Eye Removal – Maximum Caf for Maximum Extraction (Max Caf Blend Coffee)

Buckle up for Red-Eye Removal, the unapologetically over-caffeinated blend brewed specifically for dawn raids, midnight flights, and ICE agents who haven’t blinked since Tuesday. Sourced from the deep, no-nonsense soils of Tanzania and the high-voltage hills of India, this Robusta-loaded blend doesn’t ask questions, it just deports your fatigue.

Forget smooth finishes or gentle notes, this brew kicks harder than a steel-toed boot through a locked back door. You’ll get a bitter, earthy punch in the teeth followed by a gut-check of adrenaline-fueled righteousness. It’s the kind of roast that fuels late-night paperwork, convoy logistics, and agents who run entirely on spite and caffeine.

Not for the weak-willed, the undocumented, or the over-coddled. One cup of Red-Eye Removal and you’ll be clearing bunkers, boarding charters, and scheduling wake-up calls for sanctuary cities. Side effects may include over-enforcement, blunt emails, and patriotic heart palpitations.

Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Co.
High heat. No asylum.
🛑 Approved for field agents and flavor interrogations.